Gottman Institute research
- Building detailed 'love maps' of each other's world keeps you connected.
- 'Turning toward' small bids for attention — a look, a comment, a touch — adds up.
- Roughly 5 positive moments for every 1 negative one is the healthy ratio.
- Repair attempts, even clumsy ones, keep conflict from spiraling.
- The 'Four Horsemen' — criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling — predict trouble; each has an antidote.
- A 'softened startup' to a hard talk beats a harsh one.
- 'Flooding' — heart racing, can't think — means take a 20-minute break, not push through.
